what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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