Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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