would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
