I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
