in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
