just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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