hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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