When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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