what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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