I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
