pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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