What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
