well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
