She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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