clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize