The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
