I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
