You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
