If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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