So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize