So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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