according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
