First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
