i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
