I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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