I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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