what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
