im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
