I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
