ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
