Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
