I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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