Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
