i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
