just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
