im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
