she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
