I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
