how can u be prego again
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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