I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
