ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sober January is a disaster.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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