if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize