i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would ride that face into the sunset
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
