from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
