turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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