a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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