I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
