Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
where am i from again
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize