my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
