I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
