Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
