Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize