she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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