I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
