Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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