come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
