The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
