Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
