trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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