It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
