3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
