I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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