I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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