i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
