I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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