OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
