Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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