Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
