I hate your face
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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